im sitting at camp, it's 3 in the morning...supposedly doing guard-duty and then suddenly it hit me, why am i here? it's time like these that make me cringe a little. i was having what could be my death stick downstairs, and started thinking about a lot of what has happened in the past few months, and every time i hit the rewind on my memory, nothing but frowns appear on my face. to be honest, i'm a little emo-ed out right now, such an un-ben state to be in - but shit has been bugging me lately that can't really be covered up, unless it's with one of those fake smiles i've seem to perfected.

not so long ago, i was having grape sheesh and a rosti cheese with a friend of mine for the thirty-eth time in a month. a few months later, i receive a call at 2 in the morning with rants followed by the disconnecting hang up tone seconds later.

not so long ago, i arrived at a semi-detached town house for the first time, to whom the resident would soon become my brother. in a complete act of generosity, he handed me his MEW pokemon card - an extremely rare scenario for a kid who grew on in the pikachu era - in exchange for nothing. this brother later went on to have an obsession with legends.

not so long ago, it was new years eve 2006 along the road i bumped into a then acquaintance of mine. i asked him what he was doing for new years, he responded. we didn't see each other during new years.

not so long ago, i was in a heated debate with a friend of mine about who is a better signing for my newcastle championship manager team. his final response was that newcastle suck, and i'm wasting my time. he is a die hard liverpool fan.

not so long ago, i was a little wasted at alec's house. i met a then stranger for the first time, who shared the same anchorman enthusiasm as the members of the group. in the same location a few months later, we were hiding out behind trees, trying to spy on mr new years eve 2007.

it's little memories of each friend that makes me wonder, where did everything go?
sure, i have had my fair share of hiccups. but to be cast an outcast after so long of squaring it together...it wounds the mind i already have.

it didn't help that none of them called me on my 19th, let alone left a crappy version of a birthday wish which in the 21st century is a called the facebook wall post.

it also doesn't help that they probably keep in contact with jane more than they do with jack. that's not what is meant to happen when jack rolls down the hill.

all for one and one for all except for when the one is not deemed musketeer material anymore.

i really didn't expect this from any of them...especially not my best man, who probably dosn't even care for that title anymore anyways.

i'm going back downstairs, i can't bear to hear Britney on the radio anymore.

p.s.
on a separate note, here is an awesome video.