certain circumstances call for certain reactions, and certain reactions call for certain responses. certainly with tomorrow coming up, I'm certainly up for a certainly big and certain response. how mind boggling is that?

I'm off tomorrow, and officially starting what could be the tragic downfall of the BEN you all know now. from the facts i gather and piece together, albeit false, the floppy haired, nice smelling Asian kid who happens to be able to play the guitar whilst singing - the semi-creative, awkward laughter who already sleeps on a shoddy yet tragic single bed MIGHT be transformed into this disciplined, hard headed, BALD (see what i did there) lieutenant who responds every statement with a stern yet polite 'sir' - a militant who has a sturdy posture and only ever walks around town in camel toe boots and camo gear, simply because he has been brainwashed by the law enforcing, tongue twisting town of Singapore. what is the fun in that?

will you guys even recognize me without me playing with my hair? or the muscles that i will hopefully propagate? or the mini goatee i want to grow just to seem even more tougher? or the accent of a grumpy old man who has just been released into civilisation i will place when i come back in December?

of course you will.

cause i will still have the little mole on the side of my nose. everyone 'nose' (see what i did there) that it's me. or by the emo-like i glasses i try to pull off.

there have been mixed feelings about this whole NATIONAL SERVICE 'thing' I'm about to embark on. part of me is all up for playing the real life counter-strike and being able to actually hold a '4-3', being able to say 'i served "my" country (err), finally getting some discipline into my daily routine, finally having a daily routine, getting a two year gym membership for absolutely free (what a bargain) and well...being able to wear those cliche yet AWESOME grey army shirts, knowing that i have actually been there and done that and have not actually just printed it at home, or bought it at the nearest Chinatown thinking that everyone will look at you and say "wow, that guy is such a dude, he was in the army", although you only probably bought it because it was on sale or you were hoping to pick up shallow ladies who were a just above the 'I'd bang her' mark on your scale.

nigga please.

BUT THEN you have the other side of going to NS - a completely different environment where if you drop the soap once, you risk having a painful case of diarrhea for a while, where if you spit, you lose a weeks pay, where if you chew gum, you get thrown in jail - or just the fact that you have to shave your head and live in what is the ideal scenario for a camp junior who has just learned about his sexuality.

hm....

i guess I'll go for the former - but only because of the army shirt. no camo please.

______

i had an awesome last few nights here in KL. fun fun fun fun fun. i mean aside from the fact that all my buddies have practically bailed, having a BBQ with pork ribs the other night, going back to space for one final hurrah (aside from the hiccup I'm going to call 'jenny'), mastering fifa on the PS3, witnessing Jon sum get MAULED by SAMSON leaving him with a really bad scratch and nightmare-ish like trauma...this was probably the best sending off a hippy, carnivorous geek who laughs at pain could have. surely!

as i now sit on my bed, firstly:
contemplating on which tune i should play on my itunes which would suit this mood
and secondly:
realising that i could be a different man when i see all my mates in december

i wonder what everyone else would be like? (so this is what it feels like to be emo! haha)

ahh, fuck that. i'm going to have an awesome time. maybe.
see you guys in december. maybe
i gotta go finish of my final packing. tomorrow.
i feel like watching arrested development season 2. CONFIRM!
but only after i grab some toblerone from downstairs. YUM!

______

there are currently several thoughts running through my head right now. 2.5 thoughts to be precice.

firstly, lies. people do it, people regret, people live on/just don't give a 'damn' anymore/apoligize. im currently sitting on the fence of stage 3 of that process, smoking a cig and having a drink. i've already done a little of stage 3 but i need some help getting over this fucking fence. firstly, it's made of gold and peach snapple and secondly it's forgetting all the good times we had. gimme sometime and i'll be drunk enough to make a 'certainly certain' effort to finally climb this thing. unless of course the brick breaks because of a sudden turn of events.

moveover, my music thang. in the dorm, you ain't allowed to bring any form of entertainment except of course for books. 4 books to be precise (i'm just on point today). so today i went out and bought SHANTARAM, a novel on the breakout of a prison and the life of GREGORY DAVID ROBERTS afterwards, as well as having a couple of reads back home which i'm not going to mention for reputation and gender judgement sake. so this is going to seriously ruin my guitar flow and the things i have going on right now. it's going to make a HUGE dent in my 'career' prospects. but i still have time...i'm only 18. im still a fucking teen. rawr!


and finally, the .5 being whether or not i should go downstairs and get another toblerone. i love nougat IN chocolate too much NOT to go down and get one.

_____

so as i was saying, i'm heading off tomorrow. uncertain on the certain aspects that will be due my way in certainly 36 hours. certainty is certainly a certain thing you must have on certain occations, but i unfortunately certainly do not have the right idea.

i think it is pretty mind boggling.

('certain's' displayed in this post = 18 - i'm certain!)

lame.

i'll write soon, with soon likely meaning tomorrow, but leave you with photos from the infamous last performance of the awesome 4 - under milk wood.