what's going on in the speakers: Akon - Smack That

Inspired by my drawing in my mini textbook, i have decided to come up with my ideal dream team for football...if everything went my way and i could.

1. Goalkeeper - Kolo Toure (Arsenal and Ivory Coast)

During a match against Manchester United a long time ago, i remembered Arsenal defender Kolo Toure proved that he was a better goalkeeper than teammate Jans Lehmann.

From Premierleague.com:
Kolo Toure, having fallen over a prone Lehmann - who had already seen Rooney skip round him - seemed to fling both hands at the ball as it headed goalwards before crashing back off the post.

He didn't 'seem' to fling both hands, he flung them to stop Rooney's shot. It was one of the best saves of the season by the world's best goalkeeper who has never played in that position before. And he didn't get a card.

2. Central Defender - Kane (World Wrestling Entertainment)

No one can get past Kane. He will choke-slam the likes of Andriy Shevchenko and Ronaldinho and would swat away flies like Drogba and Filippo Inzhagi.

3. Central Defender - The Undertaker (World Wrestling Entertainment)

When The Undertaker teams up with his 'brother' Kane, they each get a power bonus.

No sensible overpaid footballer would want to mess with these two. Otherwise, they would suffer life-threatening, career-ending injuries which would put an end to their lucrative paycheques.

4. Left Back - James Beatie (Everton and England)

James Beatie has not scored this season. Nor did he score in the previous season until mid season. So with his ability to put shots wide and essentially 'defend' for his opponents...i feel he might as well just do it for my team! he would make the perfect defender.

Since the recent arival of Johnson, Beatie has only made 4 appearances and in all four appearances, Everton have only scored 2wice. So if he went on as a defender....it would be impossible for the opposition to score!

5. Right Back - Roman Abramovich (Chelsea Owner, Russia)

One of the most dangerous players in world football today is Ronaldinho. He usually plays a bit to the left, so if the cash-rich Abramovich can subdue him by writing a cheque during one of his marauding runs, then all would be well.

Not only that, the Chelsea owner can entice cash-strapped players an incentive by promising them a lucrative spot in Chelsea. No gambling-addicted player can resist this and Abramovich can sign his way to the Fifa World Footballer of the Year Award.

6. Central Midfield (holding role) - Kevin Federline (Rapper/Fag)

This guy has the knack of makeing everybody hate him and thus, i conclude that if i have him as my second line of defence, by the time he buggs people with his 'poopoozao'. they would rather just beat him then continue on a run.

7. Central Midfield (attacking) - Keiron Dyer (Newcastle)

we need one good player. and kieron is actually full good. so he will make sure our team succeds.

8. Left Midfield - Sacha Baron Cohen (United States)

All teams need good actors and Ali G/Bruno/Borat is the world's best actor - as shown in the movies

With his superior acting skills, Baron Cohen can win the sympathy of not just the referrees, linesmen and the fourth officials, but the fans and commentators as well.

He would earn at least eight penalties in every game, 45 free kicks and delay the match for another 20 minutes.

9. Right Midfield - Jacques-Yves Cousteau (France)

This is the man who invented 'Aqua-Lung' or SCUBA and pioneered unaided deep sea diving.

With his superior diving skills and experience, Couteau woul be a great addition for a team that also has Cohen in it.

Unfortunately, Cousteau died in 1997 so any Spanish or Portuguese player would do as a replacement. Cristiano?

10. Striker - Yao Ming (Houston Rockets, China)

Liverpool only bought Peter Crouch for his height - 6' 7".
They used him to head the ball down for the midfielders or strikers to hit. Also, to win fouls and free-kicks, as he is good for nothing else, really, as a striker.

If that's the case, Yao Ming is a better choice.

He is 7' 5" - almost one foot higher than Crouch. He would win MORE balls in the air AND fouls than any other player in World Cup history.

11. Striker - Paris Hilton (United States)

Paris Hilton's role is to distract defenders who would be fighting to man-mark her with their scent.

With all four defenders and the goalkeeper trying to chat the heiress up, Yao Ming or Ali G could sneak a couple of goals past them.

Manager - Donald Trump

With superior negotiating skills and an eye for money-making deals, Trump could market this team using the World Cup stage and make it the most successful group ever.