what's going on in the speakers: +44 - When Your Heart Stops Beating

Screw Moderation.

That's my new motto in life. If you're going to do something, do it all the way. Indulge. There is no point in wasting time in dipping your toes in water - jump in and worry about whether your clothes are dry-clean-only later on. If you want love, do something for the person that you would not do for anybody else. Imagine the possibilities. If you want a burgur, eat the mother fucking double whopper rather than the single cheesebugur without the meat. If you want a drink, guzzle down boy. Indulgent people get hangovers - that's the cost of living it up. Mousy moderate men make it to work the next morning - that's the reward for self-control. Ooh, porfect attendance in college eh? Goosebump material, huh?

All my life, i feel like i have been forced to live in moderation. "Don't over do it", "Sit back, it's not your fault" said my parents, teachers, ex-lovers, friends and einstien (we have a psychic connection). I can't go to bestari anymore thinking i'll only order one roti canai and one limau ais. I'll probably end up with mixed rice, roti bom, syrup limau ais and an indomee double shot. When i get a craving for famous amos cookies, i go out and buy some. When i want to see someone, i spend my RM10 left for the month on the cab fare. When i get a craving for ice cream, i finish off the 1 tub of ice cream i have in the fridge during one episode of LOST. I keep eating even though i've had enough to feed a small African nation. Why? Because it tastes good.

When i was 14 years old, i went into a sushi place and attempted to put them out of business. I had arrived at an all you can eat kingdom of sticky rice and raw fish with unlimited flow of green tea all for the mere price of - RM35. If i re-call correctly, the deal was for kids only. And i didn't look old when i was 14, i looked 10. how much damage could a 10 year old looking kid do to a sushi bar? Plenty apparently. By the end of the hour, i had consumed 70 plates worth of sushi, and inhaled 2 jugs of green tea. Yes, i was doubled over in pain, clutching my swollen timmy later on that night, but boy was i happy during that one magical hour in sushi heaven.

Screw moderation, I say. What do my moderate friends have? A couple of good grades? A curfew from their parents? A planned future? What is that anyways - A term for life long moderation? Moderation didn't get me to where I am today. My life ain't too shabby. I've got it on my own terms, and i've got plenty of memories and pictures to prove it. So i don't have a fancy phone and a thousand dollar wallet - don't think i need them anyways. Don't go out as much cause i choose not to, although i did want to. It would be nice to be able to spend money like some people. How do they do it? I barely have enough in my bank account to afford a new pair of shoes, let alone a phone. Maybe they save.

Well, big deal - I could save enough money to buy myself a new phone if i wanted to. I mean, i don't have to buy the dvd to spend my time with my brother everyweek you know. I could cut it down to a pack of popcorn, and a night watching the HBO movie. That will save me some. Besides, my eye-sight is getting worse. I don't need TV. Lie. I do.

I'm so tired these days. I think i just need a good night sleep. Even my digestive system is acting up these days. Doctor says, it effects all parts of your body when you eat bad. Fuck, gotta start eating good or the micheal jackson spot will be permenant. Doctor also says, the attacks are brought about by the irregular eating habits and stress. Yeah, it's been like that ever since the sushi incident. But just the other day, i went to true fitness and im AVERAGE body fat. diu. im as thin as a stick. and now i need to eat more? what is wrong? maybe its just me. I'm a crappy person/friend/boyfriend/son anyways.

Dang - I could - theoretically - recharge, gain/loose weight, get good grades, make everything good again for me. It wouldn't be considered "moderation" because i really don't feel like being this person anymore. The person that just sits at home and is too commited? Maybe i do need to change who I am. Moderation in moderation. Right?

Ah screw living normally. Has just hurt me. Time to change.